The Saturday Scalpel: Issue 10

🌟 Editor's Note- Dr. Max

Look, when Dr. Kevin said he was going to defend sunless tanners, I braced for a full-blown rant about bronzed gym bros and spray-tan-induced lung damage.

But shockingly… he stuck to the science (mostly).

😑 Hello, it’s me again!

It’s your boy, Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD — doctor by background, chaos specialist by choice — here to ruin your favorite hot takes about skincare.

Today’s myth: “Sunless tanners are toxic and make you age faster.” 

Yeah? So does your Instagram filter addiction, Karen.

Let’s break this down before you rip off your tan with a Brillo pad.

☀️ DHA: The "Scary" Ingredient That's Been Around Since Dinosaurs Had Acne

Sunless tanners use DHA (dihydroxyacetone) — a sugar molecule.

Yes, a sugar.

Not plutonium.

Not CIA-engineered Botox for your whole body. J

ust sugar. Back in the 1920s, they even fed it to diabetics like it was a skin-flavored Pop-Tart.

In the 1950s, some genius at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital noticed DHA turned kids orange when it touched their mouths, and boom: spray tan science was born.

You’re welcome, influencers.

🧪 “But what if it enters my bloodstream and I turn into the Hulk?”

Then congrats — you’re the first person in history to achieve superpowers via Ulta Beauty.

But real talk: studies have shown that systemic absorption of DHA is basically nonexistent.

It chills in the top layer of your skin like a lazy roommate — the stratum corneum, which flakes off anyway.

That’s why you have to reapply tanner every few days.

It doesn’t get deep enough to mess with your collagen, DNA, or your will to live.

🧫 “But mice! Lab studies! DNA damage!”

Unless you're a dish of human keratinocytes screaming under a microscope, these studies don’t apply to you.

Most were petri dish horror shows or mouse skin marathons — not actual living, breathing people with immune systems and a crippling caffeine habit.

🛡️ Surprise: DHA might actually help protect you from UVA rays.

You heard me. The pigment it creates — melanoidins — is similar to melanin and may offer UVA protection, the kind that fries your collagen like bacon and ages you faster than dating an emotionally unavailable gym bro.

It won't protect you from UVB (the burny one), so you still need sunscreen — don’t come crying to me with lobster skin because you thought your tan had SPF.

🧟‍♀️ “Will I look like a rotting carrot?”

Only if you’re using it wrong or exfoliating like you’re trying to sand a door frame.

Pro tip: apply evenly, moisturize the dry spots, and don’t inhale spray tan in a booth unless your dream is “bronzed lungs and confused ER visits.”

🧴 Spray vs Cream: Use your brain

Creams and lotions = safe. Spray tan booths = more research needed, especially for mucosal areas.

If you're spraying DHA into your nostrils, maybe your skin isn't your biggest problem.

👻 Allergic reactions?

It’s rare.

But possible.

Usually from fragrances added to mask that “hot dog water and maple syrup” smell.

Not the DHA itself. So patch test before you bathe your entire epidermis in fake bronze.

😒 TL;DR – Should you fear DHA?

Nah. We’ve been slathering it on since bell bottoms were cool (the first time).

Zero evidence it accelerates aging.

Plenty of evidence that it beats the hell out of UV exposure, tanning beds, and those weird people who still use coconut oil as SPF.

Use your sunless tanner with confidence.

Just don’t snort it.

Until next week, stay golden (safely),
Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD

P.S. Got a health myth you want sliced open next? Hit reply and let Dr. Kevin know — the scalpel’s always ready.